Lions Fans

Who are these people
They actively seek out pain
Just shoot yourselves now

Creativity

O where have you gone
I've not written in so long
Tofurkey is wrong

July In Michigan

Ninety degree days
Now I think I need a coat
Thirty degree swing

Always Be Yourself

Always be yourself
Unless you are an asshole
Then be someone else

Art Fair Weather

Hot, hot, freaking HOT
Followed by a thunderstorm
It's still freaking HOT

Disgusting No Matter How Many Times I See It

At the urinal
You should find a better spot
Get off your cell phone

Facebook Statuses

We know your kid's great
We know your life's very hard
Wow, you're hung over

Goodbye Cleo

Today Cleo left
There are some things I won't miss
Sad to see you go

Privacy

Freely given up
Impossible to reclaim
Big Brother is us

BLT

Rye bread, mayonnaise
Bacon, lettuce, tomato
Best summer sandwich

Sports Fans

They'll miss the playoffs
Oh wait, they made it then lost
Which of these is worse?

Things They Should Warn You About Before You Become A Parent

Crying through the night
Exploding diapers, milk puke
School music concerts

Michigan

Wildlife and coastlines
Hunting, fishing and camping
Bipolar weather

Bad Luck

You ship all your chips
Past the turn, to the river
His two outter hits

Inconceivable

That word does not mean
What I think you think it means
Inconceivable

Peace

Peace I give to you
Let not your hearts be troubled
Peace I give to you

Overused Word

This overused word
Has lost all of its meaning
Inappropriate

Iron Man

I am Iron Man
This is not a movie quote
It is a great song

Landscapers

He mounts his mower
Leaf blower at the ready
Landscape Warrior

Guitar Playing

Fingers flying fast
Run up and down the fretboard
Loud sonic thunder

Refreshing Beverage

She has a craving
Give her some Dicken's Cider
She'll thank you for it

Homophones

Look! Their dogs. They're there.
Let's meet to mete out the meat.
Pare a pair of pears.

Pears

Silky in my mouth
Sweet juice running down my chin
Pears are delicious

Jerky

O salty meat stick
I like to put in my mouth
Beef jerky, yummy!

Groundhog Day

It's a big rodent
He's a crappy weatherman
Slaughter the groundhog

Bacon

I can't get enough
Salty delight in my mouth
Bacon I love you

I Would Have Left Immediately

Get out of the house
See it dripping down the walls
There is so much blood

Helping Your Opponents (Loosen Up)

Just sat down to play
A player just lost a pot
Buy that man a drink

How To Lose Money In Poker

It's six-four suited
Somebody won with that once
I'll call the re-raise

Preflop Play

Look at your two cards
Hope they are big or a pair
You will fold most hands

At The Poker Table

The shuffling of chips
Two cards tossed into the muck
Folding is frequent

Stop Trying To Be Smart

I type an email
First letter's made capital
I hate you Outlook

Technology

High expectations
Devices should do their jobs
Technology sucks

Spring

I hear birds chirping
The garden awaits planting
Time for spring cleaning

Wife Swap

One wife is enough
If you need to trade, you're screwed
This is so stupid

Popsicles

It fills up my mouth
Drips down the back of my throat
I love popsicles

Possible Steubenville Sentences

A public hanging?
Castration by belt sander?
Steel wool sodomy?

Touchpads on laptops

I start typing code
The cursor jumps randomly
I hate you, touchpad

Goals

Having goals is hard
If the goals are worth reaching
You will fail sometimes

Parenting

Ballet, Cub Scouts, Art
Soccer Practice, School Concert
I have grown weary

Decisions

Eat wings at Hooters?
I believe I would rather
Watch hooters at Wings!

A Song of Ice and Fire: A Summary

The stag has fallen
The lion ravages all
Winter is coming

Cartoon Dialogue

Heard this from Felix
Do you want hot rubber balls?
That sounds so painful

Quick Asian Buffalo Wing Sauce

Soy sauce, sriracha
Equal parts, whisk in a bowl
Salty hot cock sauce

At The Barber Shop

At the barber shop
Getting a haircut today
Why do babies cry?

Sacred Or Taboo?

Holy Eucharist
Eat His flesh and drink His blood
Cannibalism

The Fools Come Out At Night

He's driving at night

And no one knows where he is

Turn on your headlights

Things That Are A Little Wrong

Ketchup on hot dogs

Football players with pink cleats

Men's moisturizer

Many Meetings

Another work day
Go from meeting to meeting
No work will get done

California Style Cuisine

You take some good food
Add weird shit like goat testes
California style

Priorities

From the south he came
To vanquish evil doers
But first, some whiskey

A New Weapon For A New Hero

He will smite evil
He slices and dices them
With Flaming Chainsaw

Spelunking

I enter the cave
And plunge into the long dark
It's so wet in here

Plowing The Fields

The field is fallow
Eagerly waiting for seed
Farm hands love planting

Text Editors

Newlines are not hard
Why does Windows screw it up?
Hey Notepad, FUCK YOU

Prophecy

The lamb is slaughtered
Darkness has devoured all
Follow the white stag

Suckers

There are so many
Another minute has passed
Another is born

Overrated Movies

High Fidelity
There's Something About Mary
Crash, Citizen Kane

Slide It In

It's been a long time
Cannot wait to slide it in
I love my slippers

Doing Two Things At Once

It can be messy
Doing these at the same time
Sneezing and farting

Downside Of A Cold

I have a bad cold
My mustache may have to go
It's a snot snatcher

Darkness

This morning I woke
The darkness was unforeseen
The power went out

One A Day

One haiku per day
Just seventeen syllables
How hard can that be?

It's Been A Long Time

It has been too long
More frequently is better
More is coming soon